Saturday, June 19, 2010

I'd smoke..

Disclaimer: This post has no intentional resemblance to any one. Even if it goes that way then is sure to set for your benefit. Even if you wish to endorse smoking after reading this post then comment section awaits your fervent response. Remember your endorsement for smoking doesn't mean that you are a smoker.

Yes,I'd smoke....if Slovenia wins this Soccer WC. And I’m sure the latter isn’t going to happen and so neither I’m going to smoke as a consequence. And I also wish not to, when I’ve got umpteen other options to have. I wonder why they smoke. Don’t they have these options? They do have, but they are just little carried away, and I feel myself a little more conscious. I am not going to explain all those hazards of smoking and its dire consequences here on my blog. The target readers of this post are aware of them very well. And moreover I’m not being paid for that. I bet, hold a cigarette pack without touching that deadly crab and I’ll gift you with a ‘Gudang Garam’ for sure. The government has already made cigarette brands to place that crab almost all over the packet. So, I don’t think I can better create awareness through my blog.

Even then if you ask any smoker, “Why do you smoke?” he/she will entertain you with a free comedy show for the next fifteen minutes. He/she will present before you every hell reason and you won’t be able to resist laughing. For some it is a status symbol. My milkman is a chain smoker and he smokes every day when he comes to deliver milk at my door. Do you want that status? You may say, people like Enrique, Shakira, Pattinson and Selena Gomez smoke and so they have gained status. Then I would say , there are people like Kofi Annan, Amitabh Bachchan, Javed Akhtar and Hillary Clinton too who never smoked. Buddy it’s not the number of puffs that matters it’s the inner zeal and vigor that count.

I’m stunned to hear that there is also a buzz in the campus “B.Tech is incomplete without Beers, Babes and Bunks”. I ask what about the fairer sex then? Do they need to thank Article-377 !! I’m not intended to get your cheap laughs here (Read: cheap moronic laughs; if you are a smoker).For these smokers, beer inherits puffs. I’m scared if I’m going to be B.Tech or not. I’ll be happy if I don’t get B.Tech at the cost of smoking.


I ask the non-smokers, what you love eating the most be it “Mc puff with Fanta float” or “Chicken Wings with Cappuccino”, will you drop down your apartment in the hot summer afternoon when the temperature outside is 46 degrees just to walk to the nearest Mc D or KFC. I’m sure you won’t. But these smokers love their puffs more than you love your Chicken Wings. I have cases with me among my friends who walk more than a kilometer to get that bloody cigarette when we plan a bunk in between the two lectures. They have a much better option of enjoying Cold Coffee in the canteen and air conditioned net surfing thereafter.

Dear friends, still you have got enough time. If you plan to quit smoking once engineering is over why not today. After all this cigarette won’t fetch you status neither will it help you getting out of your stress. This will just add to it. There are better options to fight stress. Come with me and I’ll tell you how to pelt the professor’s residence who didn’t give you good Teacher’s assessment marks. It’s fun. I will tell you how to persuade HOD’s daughter for Computer lab’s key for late night surfing. Come, just join me and I’ll take you inside the Canteen through the ventilator at 2 AM. You will just enjoy.

All the smokers in general and my dear friends in particular you all are intelligent enough to understand this complete phenomenon. When you can crack one of the toughest engineering examinations then I’m sure you can sense my nerves too. So come join me in this campaign of making India Healthy India. Click here to join this campaign. Your single click will ensure a big step towards this dream. So, let’s join our hands together for this noble cause.

And yes I'm afraid in case Slovenia wins !!!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Love, Sex aur ab ye khap !!

Disclaimer: After umpteen requests to write something humorous I'm again with the same serious topic. I'm sorry. But i assure ,this is my last serious post in this vacation.


Aware! The next time you chat with an anonymous guy (or the gal as the case is) on Google talk, and he/she is in deep distress then there are more permutations favoring that he/she had been a victim of the Khaps. It may also be true that he/she is waiting for being sentenced to death. The next Kasab in waiting…

There is one more Kasab here, who is messaging me for the last couple of months. I really don’t know who he/she is? But the messages are too cute to delete. And yes the good night messages he/she sends are worth saving in that delicate case if you have a fiancée. But right now at this point you would ask “ what on the earth made you to save his/her name as Kasab ?” I would answer equally innocently “ It looks freaky when Kasab pops up on the cellphone screen every other hour !” :P

But I don’t wish this Kasab to be the one who wishes to marry a girl of his own gotra. This Kasab is my friend for sure. It is just, that I mistakenly erased him/her from my contact.

My dear Kasab,

You are my true friend and I don’t wish to lose you anyhow. If mistakenly you are in love with a girl who is of your own gotra and you are planning to marry her then please for my sake rethink. There are far more trained terrorists than you to sue you. Indolent British formed a local judicial body khap just to ease the burden of the supreme court and now they are no less than your Al - *&^%. Dare to legalize a death sentence for marrying a girl, not of your choice. Does any INDIAN MUJAHIDDIN have this courage ? My dear friend, ask your fiancée to search for another guy. Sex ratio says there are already 72 unmarried grooms on every 1000. I’m sure she will get one. I don’t want to risk your life. There is Navin Jindal there to safeguard the khaps. And you won’t be able to escape from the claws of this emerging terrorist – Mr. Navin Jindal. Who says terrorists are well framed and they conspire very minutely. This New terrorist has forgotten that he once fought for the rights of the people to hoist the National flag and now he endorses this bloody khap.

My dear friend, in your religion it may be a tradition to marry any girl who is not breast-fed by your mother but these khaps won’t listen and they firmly announce a serious health risk to the kids of the couples of the same gotra. Oh, I forgot. Do you know what your gotra is ? I won’t be baffled if you say “NO”. Neither will it cause any despair to me if you admit that you don’t even know “What Gotra is”. Believe me I too Google searched it a lot before initiating this post. I didn’t find any firm information on this so as to share it here but yes when I searched “khap” on Google, then I got something to show you.


( if you can't view this image, click on the image)

Dear friend, if you bet that you have a very good maths, then it’s of no use. Khaps claim that there are genetic similarities between you and your same gotra fiancée and so your kids may suffer health risk. I can’t help you getting them understand what % of DNA are actually inherited after tens of generations. These khaps don’t even bother. They have decided to hang if anybody is found marrying a same gotra person. Kasab, I’m afraid. I won’t be receiving such romantic messages then.

Friend, do one thing, give these khaps few more Navin Jindal(s) and within no time honor killing will be legalized under some article of the constitution. How will it be then , that every murderer (if the murdered one is a girl) will claim that his honor was on stake so he murdered. It won’t take long to relate any person as some sort of chacha, mausa or mama in our family system.

My dear friend, so if you still plan to marry that girl of your own gotra. I’m sure you won’t live for long. And then I may not miss you but I will miss your messages for sure. So, Please for my sake and for the sake of those messages, don't sacrifice yourself and your fiancee. I would have helped you find another girl if you knew your gotra. I too do not know my gotra but for my case ; believe me, I am searching for an alien girl to marry just for being on the safer side. You need not wonder if I take you in a UFO for my baarat. And yes, I will take these khaps too with me. So do you !

:P

P.S: My dear friend I've again received a good night message. I'm sorry but i can't figure you out. I'm sure you aren't Kasab. But please reveal this mystery.